he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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