I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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