im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize