Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
