All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
