This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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