I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
