I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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