This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize