More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
