I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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