the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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