I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
