am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
