My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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