I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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