My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize