An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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