it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
