Pants 0. Shit 1.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
