did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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