There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
