I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
