3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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