i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
