i just wanna soil my oats bro
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
