Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize