just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
