Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
