happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
