no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
