Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
