First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
