Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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