i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
