Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
