it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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