ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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