ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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