Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
