Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
