so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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