my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
