Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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