the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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