Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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