I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
