Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize