You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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