I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize