im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
