I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
