Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
