You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
