Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
