Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
