TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
