just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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