what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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