we have pet lesbian snakes
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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