Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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