dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
