Can i not drive my cunt home
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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