my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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