it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What drink are we having for lunch?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
