apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
