Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
