i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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