today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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