Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize