Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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