I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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