I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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