Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize