belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
