Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
