If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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