He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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