last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
