On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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