1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
