the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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