you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
