Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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