The maid of honor just puked.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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