Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Drake has all the answers
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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