I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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