you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
