so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
