your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
