TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
