My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
