this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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