You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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