she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
