What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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