i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
