Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
