Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
