nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize