The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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