dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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