If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
