She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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