I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
