im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
