Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, beer. Big fan.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
