puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
