I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
