took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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