I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
