Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
