Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize