I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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