And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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